A therapist says better after-work questions can strengthen couples

Couples who feel stuck in the same thin evening conversation may benefit from changing the question, according to psychotherapist Amy Morin. Morin says the familiar check-in, “How was work today?”, often keeps partners at the surface instead of helping them reconnect after a long day.

Morin, a clinical social worker and author of “13 Things Mentally Strong Couples Don’t Do”, wrote for CNBC that many couples she sees in therapy say they feel more like roommates than romantic partners. Her advice is practical: build a small set of better prompts that invite reflection, appreciation and support.

The goal is not to force a long conversation every night. Morin says more specific questions can make it easier for partners to share what happened, how they handled it and what they need from each other before the day ends.

Seven questions Morin recommends

• “What was the best part of your day?” Morin says people often remember problems more easily than positive moments. Asking for a highlight can steer the conversation toward gratitude and optimism, both of which she links to mental health research.

• “What’s something that didn’t go as planned?” This gives a partner room to talk about stress without turning the whole exchange into a complaint session. Morin says the listener usually helps most by paying attention rather than rushing in with advice.

• “Who made your day easier?” Morin says this question shifts attention from difficult bosses or coworkers to people who helped. Sometimes, she notes, the answer may be the partner who picked up a task, sent a thoughtful message or reduced pressure at home.

• “What are you feeling hopeful about?” Morin cites research connecting hope with a stronger sense of meaning in life. The answer can be modest, such as looking forward to rest after a busy work event.

• “What would make for a good night for you?” Morin says this question helps couples avoid drifting into separate routines, such as scrolling on opposite sides of the couch. It also reduces guesswork about whether a partner wants quiet, company, a walk, takeout or a show.

• “What can I take off your plate tonight?” Morin frames strong couples as teammates. She says a specific offer, such as handling dinner, works better than a vague offer to help because it turns support into action.

• “What’s something you did today to grow mentally stronger?” Morin says this prompt can help partners notice resilience, whether that means speaking up, setting a boundary or getting through something difficult.

Morin’s broader point is that small daily rituals shape how connected a couple feels. A partner’s workday may include deadlines, frustration or small wins, but a better question can reveal the emotion behind those events.

She also warns against treating support as a favor. In her view, the give-and-take matters: one partner may carry more on one night, while the other carries more later. The habit works best when couples share the load without keeping score.

For couples who feel their evening talks have gone stale, Morin’s advice is to make curiosity a routine. Asking more targeted questions can turn the end-of-day check-in from a reflex into a real conversation.

This story draws on original reporting from CNBC.