Parenting coach says kids open up when parents build emotional safety

Certified conscious parenting coach Reem Raouda says years of work with families and a study of more than 200 parent-child relationships point to a gap many parents miss: a close bond does not automatically make children feel safe enough to talk. Her takeaway for families is direct: children tend to share more when they trust how a parent will respond.

Raouda, founder of The Safe Mom and creator of The Safe Mom Masterclass, says the parent-child relationships that stay open at ages 7, 17 and even 27 are built around emotional safety. In this context, emotional safety means a child can bring up fear, anger, mistakes or disappointment without feeling that the conversation will turn into punishment, panic or a burden.

She identified seven habits she says show up in homes where children keep turning to parents for hard conversations.

Parents manage themselves first

Raouda says children are more willing to talk when they are not bracing for a parent’s reaction. Parents who stay connected to their children’s inner lives do not treat every strong feeling as a crisis to fix or control, according to her.

That self-control matters because the first response can teach a child whether future honesty feels safe. If a parent reacts as though a child’s sadness, fear or frustration is dangerous, Raouda says the child may decide to keep those feelings private.

They let children know them, too

Raouda says some parents ask children to be open while sharing little about their own lives. The parents she describes as more emotionally connected do not hide entirely behind the parent role.

They let children see what they care about, what excites them and what causes stress. Raouda says that kind of appropriate vulnerability can make openness feel less one-sided for a child.

They ask beyond grades and activities

Many families default to questions about schoolwork, sports and achievement. Raouda says parents whose children keep opening up also ask about emotional experience.

Examples she gives include asking what felt difficult during the day, how an event landed for the child, or what has been on the child’s mind lately. Those questions signal that feelings and thoughts matter alongside performance, according to Raouda.

They allow the full range of emotions

Raouda says parents often welcome positive emotions more easily than anger, jealousy, sadness or disappointment. Children notice which feelings get acceptance and which ones create tension.

In Raouda’s view, emotionally close parents do not require children to appear happy all the time. They make room for uncomfortable emotions so children do not learn to hide them.

They repair after conflict

Raouda says the closest parent-child relationships she sees, including with adult children, are not conflict-free. The difference is that parents return to difficult moments and take responsibility when needed.

She says parents may acknowledge that they were too harsh, tell a child they did not deserve a reaction, or ask to try a conversation again. That repair teaches children that a relationship can survive mistakes.

They do not make children responsible for adult feelings

Raouda says she has worked with many children who carefully manage when to raise problems because they fear upsetting adults. In healthier dynamics, she says children are not put in charge of keeping a parent emotionally steady.

When children know they will not have to comfort or protect the adult after sharing, Raouda says they are more likely to speak honestly.

They invite conversation instead of interrogating

Raouda says asking more questions is not usually the solution when children answer with one word. She says children respond better to genuine curiosity than to feeling interviewed.

Parents who know more about their children’s lives create low-pressure chances to talk, according to Raouda. That can include sharing their own day, spending time together without an agenda and giving children room to speak when they are ready.

This story draws on original reporting from CNBC.